theyoungmanicdepressive asked: What happens when I myself doesn't matter to me anymore? :( I'm sorry. I'm just in a really bad place today.
I don’t know, I don’t know how you can find a way to matter, different things will work for different people. And other than repeatedly telling yourself that you do, or doing something that makes you feel good about yourself, I’m not sure what else to suggest or how to help. I usually just sleep when I feel defeated. And hope I wake up feeling better about myself.
Ever since getting our dog, who is terrified of thunder and fireworks, the two days out of the year that we celebrate with fireworks makes me antsy. Maybe that’s part of my anxiety lately? I’m not sure. All I know is that every night leading up to the day of, I dread people setting off fireworks, and most especially the official ‘day of’. Tonight is Victoria Day and then on July 1st it’s Canada Day (which is usually worse; last year the neighbours directly across the street set off fireworks in their front yard and I thought the dog was literally going to have a heart attack and die).
I’m overwhelmed by everything again. And I mean everything. As I posted last night, even showering is Too Much lately. Today is one of my days off and I also have tomorrow (which I am looking forward to because the kids are in school and the Husband is at work), but it went from being “Am I Spring? Almost Spring? Maybe not Ever Spring?” to “HOLY HELLFIRE SUMMER” in 24 hours and we have had to turn on the Central Air. I don’t know if I’m tired because of work/life/not enough sleep/weather/allergies or WHAT. But man, I am bone tired.
I managed to do all of my dishes, wipe down the countertops and stovetop, I yanked all of the clothes from my dresser and threw them in the wash and now have to soap & water & bucket wash my dresser and drawers, inside and out, to eradicate moths. I sorted the 5 piles (yes FIVE) of clean laundry. I folded all of son’s clothes, and then took the extra step of rotating his drawers for seasonal clothing and quickly evaluated sizes/likes and purged. I took a HUGE bag of outgrown clothing to the charity drop box.
We paid someone to finally take away the rest of the wood from when we dismantled the deck, so now we have a backyard!! Next step is stairs, fence (not a priority) and a garden box and the patio. But without the funds, we’re at a bit of a standstill.
And yet? I do not feel any sense of pride or accomplishment, even though I should. I am broken. I am sore, sad and tired.
aw. :c *hugs* one day at a time, my dear. 20/10s will get that laundry did and i’m sure (with help and time) everything else will fall into place. (i also have a giant wall of clean laundry on my floor =__=;;
beforethebloodgoesred said: :o what’s up?
Work is exhausting me. My daughter is self-harming. My son is not progressing. I have 7 or 8 loads of laundry in piles on my bedroom floor (clean, but in piles), and there’s moths in my bedroom somewhere. My dishes are a nightmare, I can’t get enough sleep and OMG I AM ANNOYING MYSELF BUT I CAN’T PICK MYSELF UP.